The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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