tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
