What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
