I'm laying in your front yard are you home
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
