barbara walters just said penis...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
