dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
