girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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