when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
