i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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