All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
