Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
