I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
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Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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