I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
