the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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