From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
