I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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