You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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