the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
