A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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