so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
