what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Enjoy the penises
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
