I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
