I just cut my nipple shaving
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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