there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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