I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
