i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i think my mom watched the whole time
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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