You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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