so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
