just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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