maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
