Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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