dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
