i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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