not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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