I am puke
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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