i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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