Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
