Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
