i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
