My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
