Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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