My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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