just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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