remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head