New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.