Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.