I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.