I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.