Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
