you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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