Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
