Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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