can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
