you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
