Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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