I wish I could teleport
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
