I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
