how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
