Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
