Kiss
Puke
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
