Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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