I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
