Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
