She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
